A few years back, I read David Brooks’s bestselling book, The Road to Character,  where he discusses the résumé virtues that “are the skills you bring to the marketplace,” and eulogy virtues, which “are the ones talked about at your funeral.”

“…whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love? We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones.”

In that contrast between résumé virtues and eulogy virtues, Brooks goes on to critique a culture and an educational system that wrongly prioritize résumé virtues, that we “spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.”

Think about it. What virtues do you want shared at your funeral when you reach the age of 120? I have never been to a funeral where someone said that the deceased wished they had worked a few more Sundays or made more business trips that took them away from their family. I’ve never heard a eulogy that talked about the size of the deceased’s house or how many cars they had. Every eulogy invokes relationships, love, empathy, and giving to others – that “inner light” that speaks to character. It is not that the deceased’s work or work-related contributions are not stated; they are often just one small piece of the eulogy or associated with the way the deceased’s profession may have allowed them to be a great donor to important causes. 

I agree with David Brooks that most of us do care more about the eulogy virtues than the résumé virtues – yet we put most of our time and energy into building our résumé.  This is often because we already think we are good, or because we live in a society that seems to value the “tough guy” brusqueness it takes to get ahead. You see, on the contrary, it takes uncommon courage to be counter-cultural, and to prioritize the eulogy virtues.

Practically speaking, both are important, but how do we make sure the eulogy virtues get at least as much attention and effort, if not more, than the résumé virtues? We often talk about their importance in equal measure, but our kids see right through the talk when they regard our actions. Take a look at our society - the short supply of the eulogy virtues in our country is fraying our societal structures. However, there is no question that when school and home send the same messages about being good and acting good, we can make a positive difference.

At our recent Open House for prospective parents, I concluded my remarks focusing on character and Jewish values.  There is no doubt that we believe our pursuit for excellence in academics is more ambitious than some of our surrounding schools; we know the importance of creating a vigorous and engaging learning environment so that our students want to learn and acquire the skills that they need for high school and beyond.  We also recognize that there are other schools in our community that also offer solid academic programs. 

So then why choose Schechter Bergen? As Head of School, the most compelling reason for me is the eulogy virtues. Sure there are other Jewish Day Schools to choose from, but Schechter Bergen is unique among them - the only one that is Halakhic and egalitarian - casting a bigger tent for the Jewish community to come together. Our bigger tent challenges us to really think about the sacredness of each individual and to embrace the differences between us. While we are all Jews and we share much in common - Israel, our story, Torah, rituals -  we also come from different religious practices, communities, and even countries. As Rabbi Reis likes to say, “We are a tapestry of Judaism,” and that prepares us to embrace a diverse world as well.  

At Schechter Bergen we are guided by our Core Values and Key Character Strengths to focus on who we are.  Our loving environment and clear vision of an ethical, engaged Jew bringing compassion to the world through Torah values and through a Jewish lens is what makes us unique.

Being a good person, imbuing Jewish values in our everyday living, caring for others and seeing all humans as sacred sets us on a path that will create a life of meaning.  These attributes also allow us to try and better the world confidently and compassionately.  As Rabbi Sacks z”l, whose yahrzeit we commemorated at school this week said, “The test of faith is whether I can make space for difference. Can I recognize God’s image in someone who is not my image, whose language, faith, ideal, are different from mine? If I cannot, then I have made God in my image instead of allowing him to remake me in his?”

Together, as a Schechter Bergen Kehillah, we work to create an environment that gives space for God to “remake” our children in God’s image and by doing so help them on their journey of creating “strong eulogy virtues.” And it is that work that makes Schechter Bergen stand out as a compelling choice for Jewish children and families.